At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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You allergic to semen?

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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