For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -39

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!