Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!