Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Want to go out? No

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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sex me.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!