You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Do you live around here often?

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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"Next!"

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!