if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Do you live around here often?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!