- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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imgonna r@pe you

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Do you want to see something swell?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!