Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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hey bitch

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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adam burdass

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!