Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

thumb_up thumb_down -54

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +99

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!