Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!