Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -119

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -141

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -71

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -47

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!