girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!