baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!