- Anti-Pickup Line

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! Connection discontinued Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

Whatever I'll just date myself.

Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!