Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -19

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +91

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!