- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!