Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!