guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Want to go out? No

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Penis. I got it

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will you marry me

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!