What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +115

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +59

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -113

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -45

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +697

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +93

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +197

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +218

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!