-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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