Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!