Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!